(IT will help if you read this : i-love-someone-who-loves-someone-else post before this :))
“Sorry, I haven’t been able to get in touch with
you, like, for days now… was busy with the fest thing and the good thing is we
won the first prize”, Govind was talking to me for the first time after THE disaster.
I knew he was busy so I had left a message with him
on facebook describing in short what had happened.
“Ya, heard that from Alok a few days back… Good
for you”, I replied
“When did you get to know about all this and from
whom?”
“On 6th of November… heard it from Neha
only. Somewhere inside, I had a doubt if the guy was Debashis, now confirmed;
feeling like shit right now. Had never cried in front of anyone but couldn’t
hold up my salty friends to flow when I was with Ankit.”
“I can’t imagine what you must be feeling right
now L” hint of
regret for me was noticeable now.
“She said his name with a smiley. Felt like she
chopped my head off with a sword.”
“How could Neha do such a thing?”
“You are saying that like she had an option to
choose between me & Debashis, and she chose him. It’s not like it was her fault; she
doesn’t even know that I have a liking towards her. Guess, I will always be a
coward and a loser.”
“Come on!! No one can be that dumb to notice
especially when someone texts you regularly asking about their well-being, when
someone does something special like you did on her birthday, when someone cares
for someone so much; she must be knowing that you like her alright. And you are
not a loser.”
“Yeah, Yeah!! Whatever!! What happened can’t be undone
anyway!! And now that I think of, Anshu was way better with her than Debashis.
He looks smart, had a personality and good in talent field too. Now Neha is
stuck with a Douchebag... ” I said with a tinge of irritation now “... She was
denying to say the name to me telling, she would tell me some other time for
sure; she promised she would, but I don’t understand the point of hiding the
name now and keep it for some other time. What’s the point in hiding if you are
gonna tell eventually, right?”
“Maybe because you guys are of same college, she
wanted to keep it from you for some time.”
“Yeah, like, I would be in my college for the next
3 and half years, so would she keep that from me till then? Maybe I’m starting
to lose my mind now. My life is so fucked up man.”
“She will realize her mistake eventually brother.
Relax.” He said trying to calm me down.
“Mistake? Maybe this isn’t a mistake. Maybe he is
the guy meant to be with her. Besides, she can never be wrong. She must have
seen something in him to fall in love with right because she was the girl who
used to deny existence of love, and now she says she is in love.”
“But I know you liked her so much, from the bottom
of your heart.”
“Would that make any difference, that I liked her.
There must be others like me too. May be Debashis liked her more than I did.
May be I wasn’t meant to be her choice. May be I don’t deserve her.”
“Others wanted to make her their girlfriend, but
you have always wanted to see her happy and always were a good friend to her.
The girl failed to see such a pure heart caring for her. She failed you
brother. She doesn’t deserve you.” I felt desperation in his tone, trying to
console, calm me down heard.
“She didn’t see me, like, literally. You know we
haven’t met in person yet and I was a stupid to fall for a girl whom I haven’t
even met; I mean, who does that. I loathed all those internet love stories I
had heard about. I considered them impractical, but seems like I’m a victim
now. And how could she even figure out just through my words, my texts that I
liked her to that extent? No one can.” I kept defending my stay that I didn’t
deserve her, all along.
“You think she didn’t read your blog? You had a
doubt that she might have visited your previous blog, so you deleted it and
created this one. She had the link to her previous blog. I’m sure if she had
the link to it, she would have atleast visited and read it because that was
your blog she visited. She read the blog dude.”
“Na… she couldn’t have read my blog”
Did
she really? What Govind was suggesting might be true!
“Lemme reason my stand” I added.
“Because she was angry on you at that time when
she got the link to the blog and being angry on you she didn’t care to visit
the link?”
“Just hear me out for a sec, would ya?”
“Fine…”
“Two months ago or so, we had a fight as you know
it. She was angry on me and had she read the blog, she would have been furious
on me and as she said, it was two months ago when the guy proposed her and if
at all she was furious at me then, then in no way she would have had accepted
his proposal in that mind state. That’s what I think. God Forbid, if anything
happens in their relationship, I will be there for her, but she is happy now
and let’s hope she remains happy. I don’t deserve her damn it!! She deserved
someone better than me and may be…”
“Forget Neha yaar. She didn’t deserve you.”
“… It is Debashis she deserved to be with all
along.”
“She is a silly girl brother unable to see the
love and care you had for her, and in no way that guy is better than you are.”
“We don’t know Debashis so let’s not jump into
conclusions and judge him in a wrong way. Neha wouldn’t have chosen him just
like that.”
“But I know you, so I can confidently defend my
stand.”
“Truth can’t be denied bro. Now you are saying
things just to make me feel good but seriously, you don’t need to and it’s not
like I’m gonna commit suicide.”
“You know me; I don’t say things to make you feel
better. At times I point your mistakes but you know I would never do such a
thing. And what the fuck are you talking about? Suicide?”
“You know sometimes people see someone so
depressed that it might cross their mind, ‘this
person isn’t going to suicide. Is he?’ I’m just clearing things here. I’m
just too much of a coward to physically hurt myself, slit my veins and all that
filmy stuff. Suicide is out of option. Ha-Ha.”
“Shut your mouth asshole. How can you think I
would think such a thing about you? Did you think of even doing it?”
“No… No way am I committing suicide. Fuck You!!”
“Fuck you!! SOB!! Don’t even talk, think
about it. Stay coward and don’t try to be brave in this case…” He said, “… Get
over Neha man. She is just a silly girl”
“I told you, don’t call her silly. She isn’t.
Loving someone isn’t silly. She loves someone; it’s no fault of her.”
“I’m not calling her silly because she loves
someone else but because she didn’t notice your love. I mean who sacrifices
their sleep to wish his/her birthday. I’m sure no one would have done that like
you did. You stayed awake all night to make sure she got every message at the
right time. That shows how you cared about her.”
“I dozed off in the middle for like an hour and
lost on message. I could send only 23 messages out of the 24 I had planned
earlier. Does that show you my dedication?” I fired back.
“It does bro. No one is perfect. Sending 23
messages was quite an achievement in itself and atleast not my piece of cake;
and believe me, I have many friends who have partners but no one has ever done
anything like you have done for her. So I know she is silly.”
“May be, but you know fate hasn’t been
exactly on my side all this time. I know I didn’t fake my love & care for
her but somehow, fate won’t be on my side every time.”
“Don’t say bro. May be fate has, God has something
else in store for you. I’m sure you will get someone as lovely as you are and
she will love you back more than you will. Get over Neha brother...”
“Don’t get so worked up for me Govind. I know you
care but let me handle this myself; I don’t you to be worried about me…” the
clock showed 4 A.M. “… Now go get some sleep. I will try to get some too…”
“I’m feeling so bad and so worried about you. I
know you will get over her. You have to!! Bye now, if you say so. Get some rest
yourself. Good night, I mean Good morning…ah…eh… you know what I mean.”
“Yeah, I know what you mean. I will get over her,
SOMEHOW!!! I guess!!! Bye and take care.”
“You too bro.” And we closed our talk.
Man! We
talked for like more than 3 hours and yeah it sure did bring me some relief sharing
the things with Govind. He has always been such a good friend and he did his
best trying to convince me there was something better for me in the future… I
just had to get over Neha, SOMEHOW!!! Am I ever gonna get over her?
If u are wondering about the 23-24 message thing reading this : i-think-i-made-her-day-special will answer ur thoughts :))
